tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post3220976828747932070..comments2023-09-19T05:21:10.007-07:00Comments on Ecce Fiat: on feeling invisibleAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00145429070443201781noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-46664798443889243172015-01-22T10:15:13.315-08:002015-01-22T10:15:13.315-08:00You reached into my head and took the things I am ...You reached into my head and took the things I am feeling and put them right up on your blog. IF is truly a struggle. My husband is deployed right now, and before we were going through this together - now I feel like it's just me. Even more invisible! It's a terrible place to be....Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14631897364412858878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-88768427266496967582014-12-19T13:29:32.655-08:002014-12-19T13:29:32.655-08:00Awesome idea!! I have a LOT of book ideas rattling...Awesome idea!! I have a LOT of book ideas rattling around in my head....! Because I firmly believe that that encouragement that we are looking for is there in the teaching (there are a number of things I learned in my master's degree in theology that have been super-comforting) but they're not easily evident (a problem....)ecce fiatnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-5694849289731308422014-12-19T06:43:06.895-08:002014-12-19T06:43:06.895-08:00PREACH! I love this post. Number 2 especially reso...PREACH! I love this post. Number 2 especially resonates with me. When I was a 16 year old in Catholic school with a strong interest in theology, the first place I went for comfort w/ my IF was the body of church teaching... and found ZILCH. My spiritual director at the time was a very wise priest, so that part was good. But the actual body of written teaching showed a deplorable lack of acknowledgement. I've spent 10 years trying to rectify this, and only now w/ the IF facebook group have I found the beginnings of what I'm looking for. I seriously think I need to write a book. EC, maybe we could do one together. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-3195400616601574912014-12-18T11:56:22.179-08:002014-12-18T11:56:22.179-08:00So much of this resonates with me! I do feel howev...So much of this resonates with me! I do feel however that I have found some women who are willing to seek me out even though they are on the opposite end of the fertility spectrum, so it is possible to be noticed. One of the things I am working on or rather God is working on in me is recognizing my self worth apart from everything else, just being me. That people want to be around me because I am me not because I have xyz or do xyz for them. (((Hugs))) and prayers my friend. Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13670331855264293102noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-68922119047693764202014-12-16T05:53:40.809-08:002014-12-16T05:53:40.809-08:00Exactly! It's another chance for really strong...Exactly! It's another chance for really strong faith - believing firmly that yes, I do matter, yes, God sees me and loves me, even when you're not feeling that from the people who are supposed to be His hands, feet, heart, eyes etc. <br /><br />Thank you for your kind words, and right back atcha!!ecce fiatnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-57458568504417008462014-12-16T05:52:24.483-08:002014-12-16T05:52:24.483-08:00thank you, KJL, that is very kind! I hope you are ...thank you, KJL, that is very kind! I hope you are well :)ecce fiatnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-71222955409193676182014-12-16T05:52:02.938-08:002014-12-16T05:52:02.938-08:00Thanks for your kind words, L. :) I'm grateful...Thanks for your kind words, L. :) I'm grateful that IF has not weakened my relationship with Jesus - I think in so many ways it's strengthened it. But it has really, really challenged my relationship with the Church, and that's very saddening! And I'm sorry about the rude/ignorant comments you get. I had just a teensy taste of that and it was really annoying.ecce fiatnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-30456039905829185752014-12-16T05:50:47.032-08:002014-12-16T05:50:47.032-08:00That's a really good point! Yes, other than fe...That's a really good point! Yes, other than feeling invisible, the worst is feeling completely vulnerable and exposed - I'm so used now to being the only non-mother in many settings, and that puts me on edge too. Sigh.ecce fiatnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-62568906804907444612014-12-16T05:49:46.702-08:002014-12-16T05:49:46.702-08:00That has to be weird, Katie! And also really graci...That has to be weird, Katie! And also really gracious of you to forgive people who ignored you pre-baby. I think I would appreciate the attention/notice (finally!) but also find it hard to get over not being noticed just for myself.ecce fiatnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-33473827778056527792014-12-16T05:48:32.275-08:002014-12-16T05:48:32.275-08:00Interesting about the talking to children thing......Interesting about the talking to children thing...good to know it's not just me! It's still weird though - I guess kids are "easier" to interact with than adults? Sorry about your in-laws :(ecce fiatnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-84021613250350233112014-12-15T19:26:03.594-08:002014-12-15T19:26:03.594-08:00Invisibility hurts, it hurts so badly. Deep down w...Invisibility hurts, it hurts so badly. Deep down we know that we matter, but we sometimes have to wonder if that's really the case when nothing is done in a practical way to let us know that. If you don't fit the mold, they don't know what to do with you, and it's hard to know whether to be more upset when you are not addressed at all or in such a way that that makes you feel more patronized or like a second thought.<br /><br />You matter. Your marriage and family of you and Mr. M (whatever else does or doesn't happen) <i>matters</i>. Your story matters.Catholic Mutthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10254315970336710941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-50765774936560595692014-12-15T15:24:25.162-08:002014-12-15T15:24:25.162-08:00Oh, Ecce Fiat. It's been a long time since I&#...Oh, Ecce Fiat. It's been a long time since I've written, but know that I do not, have not forgotten about you. I want you to know I am praying for you. Praying for His peace in your heart. Sending my love.KJLhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10144013591506102232noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-59369715487687024592014-12-15T13:09:12.322-08:002014-12-15T13:09:12.322-08:00I'm so sorry EC. You are not invisible. The mo...I'm so sorry EC. You are not invisible. The most important thing is that God sees you! You are his beautiful daughter. And you are infinitely precious in His sight. :)<br /><br />That said, I agree - the church as whole is really lacking in the support for IF couples. Even now the prayers of the faithful sometimes make me cringe because it totally ignores those couples carrying the very holy and very painful cross of infertility. And the world meeting of families - grrr. Your family begins at the altar, the two of you. <br /><br />And as someone who has 2 black children, well... the comment likely to follow an affirmative "yes, he/she is" is "yeah, but where is her real mom?" People have no clue sometimes. :-/<br /><br />Anyway, prayers for you this Advent. Prayers and hugs! :)Isaiah 55:8-9https://www.blogger.com/profile/14499199447079790203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-14670709292615405942014-12-15T11:42:07.654-08:002014-12-15T11:42:07.654-08:00I'm so sorry. I have no advice, but I'm t...I'm so sorry. I have no advice, but I'm there with you. I feel like there's no happy medium. Its either feeling ignored and invisible, or sticking out like a sore thumb for not having kids... sometimes its both at the same time, if that's possible. Tomatohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14874825476590035544noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-57288029007128098732014-12-15T05:23:07.501-08:002014-12-15T05:23:07.501-08:00Yes. This was so painful for me, and now I find it...Yes. This was so painful for me, and now I find it slightly annoying that people at church finally want to talk to us all the time--ummm didn't you notice us before we had a baby!? I guess a baby acts as an ice breaker, a conversation starter, but still. Praying for you. (Also, what an odd comment about the black baby... You would thi they would at least *ask* if she was yours! because she might be adopted?!)Katiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06914343351803930748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-54607201265117943952014-12-15T05:13:59.038-08:002014-12-15T05:13:59.038-08:00you make a ton of great points here. we as a churc...you make a ton of great points here. we as a church HAVE to address these issues to truly serve the body of Christ. I know there are many pros to being part of a faith that is so pro-life, but at the same time there is a flip side to the coin where we can almost idolize children and forget the reality that they are truly a gift and not a "given". <br />And I don't think you sound bitter, your voice is important and valid in this discussion on a topic that people prefer not to think about.<br />On the subject of talking to children and not adults I offer this: even when you have a kid, people barely talk to you anymore, just your baby/child, and though its not as bothersome when its your child, its still annoying. My mom tried to prepare this for me with my relationship with my in-laws and she was completely right. Somehow people find it OK to talk to your kid and yet totally ignore you. Including family. On one hand I'm happy the barrier to social interaction is removed but on the other hand, shouldn't we be able to do that to each other as adults rather than just for kids who don't understand us anyway?! Kids have a great way of pointing out our hypocrisies. alisonhttp://matchingmoonheads.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.com