tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post5854934292470867934..comments2023-09-19T05:21:10.007-07:00Comments on Ecce Fiat: I need you, IF bloggersAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00145429070443201781noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-73909542003148768892013-07-19T06:15:17.016-07:002013-07-19T06:15:17.016-07:00You sum it up absolutely perfectly.
And it's ...You sum it up absolutely perfectly.<br /><br />And it's how my blog really found purpose and intent; in sharing my story, telling Truths, breaking down barriers and taboos and (hopefully) offering a little solace to anyone who's gone through this awful journey.<br /><br />I'm sorry you had such a tough time at the BBQ (fun as it sounded) - you're right, the ache is definitely physical. The stab to the heart, the clench in the stomach, the prickle behind the eyes. All very real and not in the slightest melodramatic - purely the responses of a woman whose heart is in pain.<br /><br />I've been there.<br /><br />I'm gradually (slowly, fluctuatingly) coming out of there, with God's help. I had to make a conscious decision to give up my dream of having children.<br /><br />Not because I don't think it *could* happen, but because if I stay 'hooked' into it too much, my quality of life will decline. I'll end up not going to these BBQs and meetings. I'll end up bitter and angry at every woman I see who's pregnant or looking after their newborn. I even got to the stage where I was angry at women with older kids. And don't get me started on women who smoke near their kids or yell at them in the street! <br /><br />I gave it all to God and told Him I couldn't do it any more. Told Him that if I was ever to be an adoptive parent*, I needed to let go of the possibility of biological children. Needed to let go of the possibility of any children.<br /><br />He has worked slowly but surely and I've begun to heal and transform. But these things happen in His timing, with our input and free will, so only once (if ever) you're ready would I advise trying this.<br /><br />It's freeing though.<br /><br />On a more practical note, the best advice I received to deal with the inevitable "Have you got children?" question (which used to leave me feeling emotionally assaulted and apt to react badly - then guilty for feeling it, because it's really not their fault!) is to have a strategy - a phrase you work on which you pull out when someone asks you that.<br /><br />It needs to be true and to acknowledge what's going on for you, but not leave them feeling like they've been smacked upside the head.<br /><br />Mine is:<br /><br />"I'd love to have children, but unfortunately my husband has a health condition which is preventing conception, so it's not a possibility for us at the moment. I'd love to in future though."<br /><br />And if you want to, I wrote a guide for 'normals' regarding how to approach us infertiles over at http://www.findingninee.com/the-our-land-series-please-be-patient-with-me/<br /><br />If you ever fancy a chat, do get in touch :) Take care of you and God bless you.<br />Lizzihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17480448062269641320noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-14792421764170534472013-07-17T22:20:05.231-07:002013-07-17T22:20:05.231-07:00You do not sound melodramatic at all! No, you sou...You do not sound melodramatic at all! No, you sound honest, and loving, and longing. You sound beautiful and deep in all of God's glory and grace and love. <br /><br />I know what you mean. Too many of us do. We know the feelings. It is not of bitter or of hate... just a longing that we know not what to do with. I KNOW that physical ache. It reminds me the concept "broken heart" is not an empty colloquialism. No, it is real of our mind-body connection.<br /><br />This too shall pass, I have to remind myself when I hurt so badly. And yes, excuse myself from conversations and outings sometimes. Because sometimes, it just does hurt too much, and while it isn't personal against those you have to walk away from, it is perfectly OK to just need to walk away. Maybe God wants us to pull away from everyone sometimes so we take that time closer to Him? I fail at that, but maybe that's where my head and heart need to be when I excuse myself over and over... Hmmm.<br /><br />Hugs, and I love you, friend... and my heart and prayers are with you. You are never alone. <3@AshleySue of Fertility Picklehttp://fertilitypickle.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-85257582409484750342013-07-15T18:15:55.686-07:002013-07-15T18:15:55.686-07:00Stopping by to say hello and to let you know that ...Stopping by to say hello and to let you know that you and your husband have been in my prayers ever since I had the chance to meet you on Sunday. You are a new blogger to me and I spent some time "getting to know" you this evening Your emotions are 100% normal and I could relate to so much you have written about. I don't have any answers for why you are on this journey but I can offer my prayers and my friendship. Please reach out if you ever want to chat. Yes, I may be a mother now but I will never ever forget the pain of IF :( Patiently Waiting......https://www.blogger.com/profile/10058373333931696298noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-59577074619048581942013-07-15T17:47:02.381-07:002013-07-15T17:47:02.381-07:00Yes! I don't know what I would do without you ...Yes! I don't know what I would do without you all. I had one of those events this weekend--a get together with 5 other married couples. Together, there were 6 kids (3 of them a month younger than our miscarried baby would be) and 2 pregnancies. Honestly though, my anxiety about it was worse than the actual event itself :-/ If it weren't for IF bloggers I wouldn't know anyone without kids...Katiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06914343351803930748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-78856634780129843962013-07-15T02:57:42.237-07:002013-07-15T02:57:42.237-07:00I NEED YOU, TOO!!!!!! Those "picnics" wh...I NEED YOU, TOO!!!!!! Those "picnics" where we feel left out in our child-less state, where we love and enjoy other people's babies and children but being in their presence holds a light up to our deep suffering, they seem to happen almost every day, don't they?! I can't tell you how often I have found solace in the words of these fellow IF bloggers. Knowing we are not alone, we are not "selfish" for feeling painfully reminded of our "lack" in light of others' "plenty", there are people who really get it and we are in this together! I am praying for you. We are having our own virtual barbecue of support and understanding and shared suffering...not in a "pity party" way but in a "spur one another on" way. Sending you some HUGS!!Laura: One Day At A Timehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17445370214887529773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-84260934135568640922013-07-14T19:25:34.328-07:002013-07-14T19:25:34.328-07:00I remember those days so well - we have so many fr...I remember those days so well - we have so many friends who've had 3 or so since we've been married! It's so hard. Do what you need to do though - sometimes you can say no things and sometimes go. Baby showers were the worst for me - I only attended 1 in 5 years... the rest, I had to send gifts or give them later. And like Kat said, sometimes the feelings and emotions just pop up.<br /><br />And you're right - the blogging friends I've met have been such a lifeline for me too. It is such a blessing to know we are not alone. Hugs, friend!Isaiah 55:8-9https://www.blogger.com/profile/14499199447079790203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-683532602214561252013-07-14T12:12:05.323-07:002013-07-14T12:12:05.323-07:00Praying for you amiga! Hang on there. You can come...Praying for you amiga! Hang on there. You can come to any of our bbq's. We are childlless too :-( DM + AM https://www.blogger.com/profile/16375817644349023976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-76725301335327863722013-07-14T10:22:33.713-07:002013-07-14T10:22:33.713-07:00Your description of the barbecue does sound idylli...Your description of the barbecue does sound idyllic... a Norman Rockwell painting! I feel for you as you are so young and seem to be the proverbial black sheep in your peer group. That's really hard. Even though my peer group is older, it's still hard to be around babies and toddlers (although the charm seems to vanish when the kids reach seven or so :)). Some people love to tell me how easy it was to get pregnant for them. I really just build a mental barrier against this stuff. I know they are in the majority and they'll describe their experience. <br /><br />Do what's right for you at the right time. If you don't want to go to a baby shower, skip it. Send a present and a card with someone else and go see a movie or do something fun with your hubby. <br /><br />This is a cyclical emotional experience. Cut yourself some slack and reach other to other infertiles when you need a sympathetic ear. You're strong and I love your honesty.airing the chapelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01976906464788739315noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-2256448897562424632013-07-14T09:45:03.614-07:002013-07-14T09:45:03.614-07:00I think it does get a little easier but then again...I think it does get a little easier but then again you never know when those emotions and longings will suddenly pop up. Right now I am at a place where it is a little easier for me but I know that can change rapidly. I am praying for you! I agree this blogging community has helped me in so many ways and I am so glad I got to meet you in person because of it! Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13670331855264293102noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1354490057851633467.post-19098329652827244162013-07-14T05:34:32.232-07:002013-07-14T05:34:32.232-07:00I felt like you were describing our parish picnic ...I felt like you were describing our parish picnic last year as you described the bbq. It really is just so hard - and so hard to explain. How you can be having a great time and want to leave all in the same moment.<br /><br />Have so much fun this afternoon!Rebeccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04738076740941616678noreply@blogger.com