Thursday, September 13, 2012

Thinking about the future

Mr. M and I were talking last night about our future. We're at a really unique stage, I think, in that there are a lot of unknowns: will we have a baby? when will we have a baby? will/when will Mr. M finish his PhD? will/when will we move to a different town? My future hasn't always felt so unknown. When I started college, I knew I'd be there for 4 years. And 2 years for grad school. But now, our future feels very open-ended. Mr. M is beginning work on his dissertation, which could take anywhere from two years to...never being finished (which does happen!) I could get pregnant next cycle...or never.

Come to think of it, either of us could die today.

The specific impetus of this discussion was that Mr. M got an offer for a part-time teaching position for the spring, for an online Catholic school. He's done it before, so the prep work wouldn't be much. It's about a 10 hour/week commitment, so that's not horrible either...but in conversation, he shared how much he would love to have time to dedicate himself fully to his dissertation. It's such an intense undertaking, and both professors and fellow students have advised him to not commit to anything during this time.

So where does that leave us? More than anything else, I want to be a mother and stay home full time. I'm not a mother yet - will I ever be?

These are our conclusions now: I will keep working until a) I have a baby or b) Mr. M gets a full-time job that can support our family. Hopefully a and b will occur somewhat together! This gives me a sense of peace, because one of those events is bound to happen sooner or later, right?


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