Friday, September 28, 2012

One more drop

Just when I think that I have enough to offer up, something else difficult happens.

I had my surgery (hysteroscopy) on September 6th, and we've had to abstain for this entire cycle, which hasn't been easy.

Pregnancy announcements, friends with little kids, pregnant coworker, and mommy blogs have been hurting my heart.

Mr. M's grandparents are both very ill, and his grandma most likely will die before Christmas.

Our kitchen had to be fumigated for roaches, so for four days all - ALL - of our kitchen items were spread around our apartment making a perpetual mess. We also couldn't use the kitchen, not even to wash dishes, so we were eating off of paper plates in our junky, crowded dining room.

Then my mom called today with bad news about my family.

What else?!?!

Just when I think that I can handle these burdens, these heartaches, these pebbles in my shoe, something else happens. My soul feels stretched thin to the point of breaking, and I'd like to get off the train, please!

I cling to this: Just when I think that I can't take anymore, that I have nothing left to give, that my bucket is dry, I realize there's just one more drop of grace in there than when I last looked.

I take a deep breath and look around, and I see: my amazing husband who's ready with hugs and something funny to make me laugh; my friends, two of whom I saw unexpectedly this week after long abscences; beautiful music to lift my spirits; beautiful fall colors; a car bill that could have been really expensive but wasn't; a church right across the street from work where I can go be with Jesus; a fun outing planned for Sunday outside with good friends; a healthy-looking chart this month!!!

It reminds me of the story from the Old Testament about Elijah (or was it Elisha?) and the widow: her jug of oil never quite ran dry. It must have scared here everyday, looking at her child and looking at how low the oil was. But it never ran dry, not completely. There was always one more drop.

Jesus, I pray for one more drop of grace to bear everything you've given us right now!

+Ecce Fiat+

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