("Minor" miracles to distinguish from a "major" miracle...nope, not "that" good news around here. But still some pleasant happenings!)
Minor miracle #1. I attribute this to Our Lady Untier of Knots: we finally found a lab close to our home (20 min) that will do the SA test at a not-unreasonable fee ($150 flat fee) and doesn't require me to become their patient. Huge sigh of relief - this makes the test feel so much more manageable since we can be at home. You still have to make an appointment, and I still don't forsee this happening until next month due to work obligations, but still, it seems like a knot has loosened if not unravelled completely.
Minor miracle #2. Today at mass, the Old Testament reading for the second day in a row was all about Hannah and her intense grief over being childless (painful to listen to...) and the priest actually added an intercession for women struggling to conceive!! I count this as a minor miracle because I don't know about you, but I can count on three fingers the number of times I've heard an intercession for people struggling with infertility: once at a mass especially for that purpose, once on Mother's day at a parish we were visiting, and today. And that's the experience of someone who attends mass at least three times a week if not more...I get that there are a lot of things to pray for, but sheesh! Maybe others' experiences are different, but it did my soul a lot of good to hear Father pray for me today (without knowing it, of course).
Minor miracle #3. I've been feeling more at peace about everything since Christmas. I hesitate to say that, famous last words and all...and part of it could be the fact that I've had a cold for the last week and don't have the energy for anything other than work and meeting our basic needs at home. But still, I've felt more confident, and just more happy, going about my life, working hard, making our home pleasant, loving my husband and our friends, and haven't felt as much of the intense sadness and longing that sometimes invades my heart. Residual graces from Christmas still, maybe?
Last thing - just a thought - we hosted friends of ours (husband, wife, and toddler) for all of last week. They so generously gave us colds, ha...anyway, these are good friends and we were glad to see them, but it was a bit of a trial. Our apartment isn't that big, we don't have a dishwasher (5 people make a lot more dishes than 2!) and it was a challenge to share our living space for a whole week. Even more than that, it was a challenge to put our needs - for solitude, quiet, cleanliness, rest - on the back burner so we could tend to the needs of our guests. Coming home from work after a long day, feeling sick, I really wasn't in the mood to chat with anyone or make them dinner, but I said a prayer and did it. Here's my point: I found the experience challenging, but also affirming, because isn't that the whole essence of motherhood? Putting your needs aside to take care of another? That "other" is a child in the case of motherhood, but for us it was our guests. It could be our parents someday, or a friend in need, or whoever. I guess I was just encouraged to find an opportunity for love, and to see that my heart is capable of it, if that makes sense. Just because we're childless doesn't mean we can't love, can't bring something good to the world and bless another person. (I seem to come back to this point a lot - guess I need some affirmation here =))