mother's day 2014: game plan

It's that time of year again. This is my third Mother's Day as a married, childless woman (thank God we got married at the end of May!) and I still remember how awful the first one was. Almost one year TTC, no baby, I felt completely blindsided at Sunday mass, the pain searing my heart from out of nowhere as I looked around at all the smiling mothers with their children and felt what felt like a bottomless longing to join their ranks.

(FYI: that's the day I quit Facebook, probably forever. I read something by a new mom about "the best club I've ever joined!" and knew I just had to get out.)

How horrible - the worst part of Mother's Day for me is how happy all the mothers are and how much I wish I was them. I hate even writing that! But it's true, and I have to deal with it.

Strategy for Mother's Day #2 was to get the heck out of town. We went to Mr. M's hometown for a visit, which actually worked really well. We could focus on his mom, who is a beautiful, gracious woman not at all prone to asking probing questions about when more grandchildren are coming. And I could grieve at mass surrounded by strangers instead of having to act happy and socially interact with friends.

This year we were planning on doing the same thing but aren't for several reasons that are too boring to list. So we'll be here, and the strategy looks like this:

1. Attend the 7:30 a.m. mass where presumably mothers with young children will not be, since they'll be getting their breakfast in bed (ha). Give myself permission to grieve, basically among strangers since we usually attend a later mass. Avoid seeing all my mom friends and their adorable children. I love them! I just can't handle them on Mother's Day. I feel more left out than any other time.

1a. We wrote to our parish asking them to include intentions for women struggling with infertility, so hopefully that will happen.

2. Invite another childless couple over for brunch. I did not want to go out anywhere on Mother's Day - I have a strong, strong aversion to going to a restaurant and hearing either "Happy Mother's Day!" or "Are you a mother?" Ugh ugh ugh. I prefer to be at home, in a controlled environment, and I'll be so glad to be with friends who (sadly) "get it" too.

Yessss. All of these.

3. Eat yummy brunchy food and several mimosas!! (This is a key component of the strategy.) Talk about our lives, maybe kvetch a little about being childless on Mother's Day, enjoy the sunshine, play a game, try my best to not drown in a puddle of self-pity. Have another mimosa!

(I should add, of course, that I'll call my mom and my mother-in-law and thank them for their friendship, love, and motherly care because overall I feel pretty blessed on the mom/MIL front.)

4. Mr. M said he got me a gift - that will be consoling!!

I will be so thankful when Mother's Day is over and I don't have a bajillion emails about Mother's Day deals and sales and products! Even buying a card for my mom felt extra-hard this year. Just reading the titles of cards was killing me!! Although I did see a card for someone "like a mother" - a nice sentiment.

I'm glad I've come to terms that some days are just way too hard to handle by trying to act normally. I am fertility challenged, and I need a little extra TLC on Mother's Day. Hence the strategy. Thank God for understanding husbands and wonderful friends! I'll be praying for all childless women (married and single) on Sunday, big time.

+EcceFiat+