Sunday, May 4, 2014

what a tease

Alternatively titled: At least I didn't waste $12 or From bad to worse?

As is probably understandable, since this cycle I had an ultrasound series done that showed I ovulated, and since we took advantage of that information, it was hard not to get my hopes up that maybe this cycle would be "the one." Plus I had all the adopted blogger prayers + the graces of Easter! Doesn't get much better than that!

Today is P+14 (peak day was on Easter Sunday), so I was surprised to see the first signs of AF on Thursday, P+11. That would mean that my luteal phase was only 10 days, which is not ideal.

Of course, despite my better instincts, I googled "implantation bleeding" for, like, the billionth time. And as I learned for the billionth time, implantation bleeding and cramps are basically like the beginning of AF except that they usually happen slightly before your expected period and your period never really comes.

Helpful. Thanks.

So the past few days I've been trying not to obsess over what my body is doing. The bleeding stayed light Friday and Saturday, with enough cramps to require ibuprofen. I checked my lengthy chart history and saw that I've never had a VL-L-L pattern at the beginning of my period. It always transitions into M or H on the second day, third at the very latest.

This was driving me bonkers!!! It is mental torture to think, "Well, either my brand-new baby is burrowing his/her way into my womb, or my cycle is suddenly wonky and I've got more problems than I realized." No biggie. (!!!!)

Saturday night, I told myself that if the bleeding was still light or even non-existent Sunday morning, I would go to CVS and plunk down the $12 for a pg test and take the darn thing. As fearful as I am of testing negative, I think I'm even more fearful of waiting too late and God forbid having some preventable issue threaten a very early pregnancy that I didn't know about soon enough because I put off testing. (Does that even make sense?)

Well, Sunday morning came and went, and that $12 is safe in my wallet (until I buy more pads this afternoon, that is). Darn, darn, darn. Stupid AF. Such a tease this cycle!!

Not going to lie - it really troubles me that my luteal phase decreased by 3 days. I know I just got done whining about nothing being wrong with my cycle so why haven't I conceived, but I decided I didn't really mean it! I'd rather have less problems than more, I promise! I'm hoping this was just a fluke, maybe caused by the physical and emotional stress of the ultrasound series? Whatever caused it, I think I'll just wait and see what my surgery results are (June 20) before addressing it.

Okay. Deep breath. I've gone through CD1 before and survived. Plan of action: focus on the beautiful day, the date with my husband this afternoon (piano concerto at our local symphony hall) and have a beer on our patio tonight!!


  1. Ugh enjoy the consolation beer and hope the concert was good. so sorry about AF. And head to your nearest $store any buy yourself 12 tests instead of 1 at CVS.

  2. Oh, (((hugs)))!!! I just hate crazy cycles!!!

  3. Sometimes our bodies can just drive us crazy....hugs.

  4. That is the worst. Glad you had some positive things to enjoy, but it still hurts so much. I hope you get information after your surgery, and answers!

  5. Oh how frustrating AF can be sometimes. So sorry, prayers.

  6. "I think I'm even more fearful of waiting too late and God forbid having some preventable issue threaten a very early pregnancy that I didn't know about soon enough because I put off testing. (Does that even make sense?)"

    ^ That is EXACTLY how I feel lately, and have for the last 6 months at least! It is SO SO SO frustrating and can make you absolutely crazy. I'm so sorry that this cycle was difficult for you, prayers that CD1 passes will be back in the TWW before you know it!

  7. Ughhh. I'm so sorry. I'm right there with you on the googling. Even though I've already googled it 100 times, I'm still going to google it again when I think there's the slightest indication that I'm pg. I've googled the WEIRDEST signs before too: teeth hurt, muscle soreness, etc. Of course, there's someone out there on the internet who's had every one of these signs... and is pg! Grrrr. Anyway, sending hugs to ya! And sending up some prayers. I praying that you don't have to wait much longer for your little blessing. Also, that the surgery goes well!

  8. We have so been there... So sorry for the big let down. My heart goes out to you!

  9. I am so sorry for the disappointment. I hope some answers come your way in June. What surgery are you having?