Friday, August 2, 2013

so many decisions! and another great quote from Fr. Philippe

As we start to explore the possibility of adoption, it occurred to me that when conceiving children doesn't come quickly and easily, there are SO many decisions to be made! I mean, when a husband and wife do what husbands and wives do (which generally doesn't take much planning!) and conceive a child, their script is given to them: love this child, no matter what, and be father and mother to him/her. There's a real freedom in that, knowing what you're called to do and then just doing it.

But when children don't come...then there are so many questions. Which moral medical treatment do we pursue? Do we pursue any treatment at all? (since it's not obligatory, of course) Which doctor do I see? How much are we willing to pay? What about adoption? What kind of adoption - domestic, international, foster care? Are we willing to adopt a child of a different race or who has special needs? (When you conceive a child, you take what God gives you!)

And what if we're not called to adoption? We still want our marriage to be fruitful...and we don't have unlimited funds to adopt and do some other demanding work of service. Should we do mission work? Focus on our careers and how they can improve the world? Be available to friends and family who need us? Not having children does give you more time and possibly more money...how should we use it?

Of course I'm over-simplifying a bit when it comes to conceiving and raising a child. I know there are many questions associated with that: What kind of birth? To vaccinate or not? How to educate? and so forth. But still, when you get pregnant, you're a mother. And God-willing when the baby is born, you know your job is to take care of that child. That's the very concrete way that your call to be fruitful is lived out. For us, it's so much more open-ended! And that's kind of daunting. I'd rather have less choices, really! Just tell me what to do, God, and let me get to it.

With that in mind, this passage from "Interior Freedom" stood out to me:

"When uncertain about God's will, it is very important that we tell ourselves, 'Even if there are aspects of God's will that escape me, there are always others that I know for sure and can invest in without any risk, knowing that this investment always pays dividends.' These certainties include fulfilling the duties of our state in life and practicing the essential points of every Christian vocation. There is a defect here that needs to be recognized and avoided: finding ourselves in darkness about God's will on an important question - a large-scale vocational choice or some other serious decision - we spend so much time searching and doubting or getting discouraged, that we neglect things that are God's will for us every day, like being faithful to prayer, maintaining trust in God, loving the people around us here and now. Lacking answers about the future, we should prepare to receive them by living today to the full." (my emphasis)

I feel like I can take a deep breath after reading this: God will guide us, just live this day in trust, loving God and others and doing what He's already asked me to do (loving my husband and my friends, doing my job well, creating a happy home, etc.)

+EcceFiat+

15 comments:

  1. Beautiful quote--so much what I needed right now. Thank you!

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  2. That is good stuff as well. I just started reading Interior Freedom yesterday after the last quotes you posted because they were so good.

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    1. Oh wow, awesome! Let me know what you think! He has other books too that I'd like to get too: I've heard "Time for God" is very good.

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  3. LOVE the quote! Thanks for sharing that. It is so true. It is like the verse from Ps 119:105. "Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path." You don't always get to see the far distant future, but we are called to be faithful in the here and now...

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  4. Love the quote...

    You know, where you said "Just tell me what to do, God, and let me get to it."

    LOL

    Seriously though, I do love the quote from "Interior Freedom," I'm just having a temper-tantrum kind of day :).

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    1. Ugh, and I also didn't say what I really wanted to say.

      You are so right about all of the choices. It's almost suffocating at times. We all think we want to have lots and lots of options in our lives, but I'm feeling completely overwhelmed by them all. (Hence why I really like your quote right now.)

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    2. I know! We're so conditioned to believe that "more choices = more freedom," but it can be paralyzing. In contrast, taking a clear direction toward one option (which inherently narrows one's focus and limits one's options) can feel more freeing!

      I like how the quote pointed out that even when you're in that spot of "too many choices - how can I possibly choose??" there's still something very concrete to be done: love God, love your neighbor.

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  5. This is a wonderful reflection. I find the principle of the quote you shared to be useful also when you really feel you're doing God's will in your life, but Satan seeps in and makes you doubt the way.

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    1. I guess that's the thing about true wisdom - it applies to some many different situations!

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  6. Great post! I can so relate to this right now. There are so many decisions to be made if you are unable to conceive naturally. Praying for you as you work through these decisions!

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  7. So true! Everything that you've written. I'm struggling right now with figuring out: "When is the right time to look into adoption?" Our infertility journey has been less than a year and yet I'm already feeling pulled towards adoption. Is this too soon? Is it selfish of me to look into this before we've given up on biological children? Should I just skip the NaPro surgery and focus entirely on adoption at this point? Too many options! And too many what-ifs making the decisions difficult! We don't (and won't ever) have enough knowledge to know what is right and wrong in this situation, as we can't predict the future of our IF or our lives in general. I guess that means it's just time for more prayer and more faith... trusting in His plans for our future. Gosh, why do I like to be in control so dang much?

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    1. I don't think it's ever "too soon" to look into adoption, or to pursue more IF treatment for that matter...it's not like you're under some obligation to do treatment for x amount of time before pursuing adoption. I know of some couples who didn't do treatment at all because they felt such a tug toward adoption. So yes, I think the un-clearness and plethora of decisions does mean so much more prayer is called for! That's what I'm trying to keep in mind: God won't leave us directionless, at least not indefinitely =) so I'm just praying for peace to know what to do now.

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  8. Thank you for sharing this quote ... really something I need right now as I pray for DH to find a job close to home so he won't have to be away so much. But then I pray to be open to wherever God is leading us, even if that means giving up my job and our home and being close to family. But then I pray for DH to hear where God is leading him. etc. etc. etc. I really need that focus! I'll have to put this author on my reading list. The plethora of 'choices' (or decisions, or paths) that you and your dh must navigate are bewildering. I have always been interested in (but have not yet read) ' The paradox of choice' - how having too much choice is actually more paralyzing than liberating. Take a deep breath and know that God is with you ....

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  9. Yes, life would be so much easier if God would just tell us what to do. :) I really like the quote you included. It takes a little bit of the pressure off of facing such a huge decision.

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  10. Thank you so much for sharing this quote. Sometimes I can feel lost or just overwhelmed by so many things going on in my life and this quote directs me in one simple direction, prayer.

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