Last year's Mother's Day was one of the toughest days I can remember. It was either going to be CD1...or not. Well, it was. (Of course, says my non-hopeful brain.) At church, I sat in the choir next to one pregnant woman and across from a young mom. I listened to the prayers for mothers, grandmothers, and pregnant women. Nothing for those going through infertility or who were mothers but had miscarried. Did a decent job at not crying, mostly by pretending I was somewhere else (not the most attentive attitude at mass). And then after church, when most of my friends happily went their way to Mother's Day brunches or went home to see the flowers and cards from their children (or husbands), Mr. M and I went home to our childless home. I think I remember working in our garden that afternoon, pouring all my maternal feelings into our plants and getting good and tired and sunburnt in order to forget how sore my heart was.
This Mother's Day is going to be different - it has to be! I can't take another heart-wrenching holiday that reminds me at every turn (and several weeks in advance, thank you commercial society) of the unfulfilled longing in my heart.
CD1's arrival yesterday means no "mother's" day for me this year. But I'm determined to make it easier on myself! We are literally leaving town for the weekend. We're going to visit Mr. M's family and focus the day on his mom (and mine) and on our nieces and nephews, all of whom are old enough to not make me feel quite the heart-pangs I do when I'm around babies. Plus, I love being an aunt. We'll be in the car for most of Mother's Day itself, driving home. So it will be just the two of us, and we can talk or cry (me) and enjoy each other's company.
I love our parish, but I'll be glad to be away on Mother's Day. There is nowhere I can look at mass that won't remind me of my childlessness, and it's hard to see our pregnant/parent friends on a day that is so happy for them and so sad for us. And I do plan to write to our pastor and ask him to pray for infertile couples and those who have had miscarriages. (Why is that not a no-brainer?)
So that's the plan. I'm sure it won't take away all the sadness, but I think it will prevent Mother's Day from being a big ol' pity party. After all, we have our moms to celebrate that day! And of course I'll be offering up MANY prayers for all those who are long to be mothers or who have lost children.