Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Surviving Mother's Day

Last year's Mother's Day was one of the toughest days I can remember. It was either going to be CD1...or not. Well, it was. (Of course, says my non-hopeful brain.) At church, I sat in the choir next to one pregnant woman and across from a young mom. I listened to the prayers for mothers, grandmothers, and pregnant women. Nothing for those going through infertility or who were mothers but had miscarried. Did a decent job at not crying, mostly by pretending I was somewhere else (not the most attentive attitude at mass). And then after church, when most of my friends happily went their way to Mother's Day brunches or went home to see the flowers and cards from their children (or husbands), Mr. M and I went home to our childless home. I think I remember working in our garden that afternoon, pouring all my maternal feelings into our plants and getting good and tired and sunburnt in order to forget how sore my heart was.

This Mother's Day is going to be different - it has to be! I can't take another heart-wrenching holiday that reminds me at every turn (and several weeks in advance, thank you commercial society) of the unfulfilled longing in my heart.

CD1's arrival yesterday means no "mother's" day for me this year. But I'm determined to make it easier on myself! We are literally leaving town for the weekend. We're going to visit Mr. M's family and focus the day on his mom (and mine) and on our nieces and nephews, all of whom are old enough to not make me feel quite the heart-pangs I do when I'm around babies. Plus, I love being an aunt. We'll be in the car for most of Mother's Day itself, driving home. So it will be just the two of us, and we can talk or cry (me) and enjoy each other's company.

I love our parish, but I'll be glad to be away on Mother's Day. There is nowhere I can look at mass that won't remind me of my childlessness, and it's hard to see our pregnant/parent friends on a day that is so happy for them and so sad for us. And I do plan to write to our pastor and ask him to pray for infertile couples and those who have had miscarriages. (Why is that not a no-brainer?)

So that's the plan. I'm sure it won't take away all the sadness, but I think it will prevent Mother's Day from being a big ol' pity party. After all, we have our moms to celebrate that day! And of course I'll be offering up MANY prayers for all those who are long to be mothers or who have lost children.

+EcceFiat+

6 comments:

  1. Mother's Day was CD1 for me last year too, and after an extra-long cycle, so was Father's day. ugh. (And funny, so was yesterday for me too... well at least we both know it won't be a repeat of last year!)

    I like your plan! I need to come up with a plan too. My husband thought he might try to get the weekend off, so that we could go to our friends' party back in Pittsburgh that Saturday and then spend Mother's Day with his family. I don't know if I can handle spending it with them again this year, honestly. Not that they are insensitive or anything... but last year they had just gotten back from Texas meeting their first grandchild. And this year they'll have just returned from celebrating his first birthday. Not what I want to hear about that day, you know? :-/ But I don't know if staying home alone will be good for me either...

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    1. That's tough! Maybe visit them but come up with a reason not to stay long, so you get some R&R and time with your husband? Or can visit other friends without kids? Or go on a date with your husband, to someplace not frequented by Mother's day revelers? Yes, it would be hard to hear about a one-year-old on Mother's Day, I completely agree...I hope you figure out a good plan!

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  2. Mother's day was so hard for me last year as we had miscarried a few months prior. We ignored that it was mother's day and went out with a friend, whose mother had passed away, to lunch and a movie. I don't know about this year, ugh. Your plan sounds good! If you go to the Extraordinary form of the Mass in Latin chances are they won't really mention Mother's day because they do not pray for specific intentions there.

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  3. Good plan! Steve Gershom (blogger) that talks about opening up the concept of the human person: http://www.stevegershom.com/2012/11/enlarging-the-concept-of-the-human/

    I don't know if that link will work, but I love what he has to say and it can totally be applied to infertility/childlessness. Mother's Day can be such a wonderful opportunity to spotlight all types of motherhood and help heal wounds. You are in my prayers!

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    1. I finally read it! I like it. I agree: I wish that Mother's Day was "broader" and realized that not everyone's relationship to motherhood (either as a child, a mother, or a wanna-be mother) is filled with sunshine and roses. Thank you for sharing the link!

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  4. You are in my prayers! I think your plan sounds wonderful!

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