Monday, June 9, 2014

Epilogue - How does your Husband Support You through Infertility?

I just finished a lengthy series on "Seven Ways a Husband Can Support a Wife During Infertility." Eventually, I will put them together into one document for others and put it up on our "inspiration page." But before I do that it is time to learn from you all. So I ask you dear friends for some wisdom and guidance.

How does your husband support you through this difficult time?

Please leave some advice in the comment section below! I would love to learn from you all. Feel free to get your husbands to comment too! I would be so grateful because there is precious little from a Catholic/Christian standpoint that I can find out there on the internet.

- Mr. M.

11 comments:

  1. I love it when I come home and he tells me how he prayed for me that day, like specifically prayed for me for peace or joy. I also love it when he expresses his sorrow over not conceiving, so I know I'm not the only one who is sad. When he wrote our priests before mother's day to ask that they be sensitive to women going through IF. It's great that you are addressing this topic!

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    1. Great ideas. Thank you for sharing!

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  2. Sharing his true emotions, I think this is especially hard but so so important. The moment he first told me exactly how much it hurt him too and expressed it...with water....coming from his tear ducts...was hands down one of the closest and most intimate moments we've had. So much so that it almost feels disrespectful to share it with others but it was so beautiful and meant so much to me so I am :)
    Great series, BTW. I meant to go back and comment individually but this was a very important angle to share!

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    1. Thanks for sharing such a moving story! You guys are definitely inspiration for us!

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  3. We have really appreciated you openness to share what has been going in in your lives. When someone is facing infertility it lingers and there are always new huddles to jump in how if effects ones health, marriage, faith, etc. We wish people did not have to face IF but for every voice of faith to share how to survive it is so beautiful.

    Things that helped us the most:
    1. Starting off the day praying and listening to scripture while we were getting ready for work. We still do it almost everyday. Somehow God gives us what we need to make it through the day.
    2. listen to sermons, praise music and things that kept pointing us to God NOT others. One thing that is easy to do when someone discovers it, is to turn to social media find comfort. The problems is there is no amount of replies that will fill the void.
    3. We felt the most supported by each when we read support books out loud (so we both heard it), went to the appointments together and agreed to do things fully as a team or not do them at all. It helped us see each others perspectives in how we are handling it.
    4. Both do the diets together. It stinks but it helped us not be mad at each other. Each week we try to do one more thing to better our health. Cold turkey was terrible but a little every month to make them habits has really helped.
    5. Do something outside that has nothing to do with babies or people having babies. For us it was finding fun dates each month. We video game, we zumba and go explore new places just for fun.

    We have had a lot of fights to get us where we are today... but the bottle line is we learned we have to be a team in everything and put God first. Whenever this does not happen life stinks all the more.

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    1. These are all great ideas! I especially appreciated the honesty and the tip about starting the day in prayer. I agree about the comment with social media too. It can only be a supplement to our relationship with God. It is our relationship with God that will fulfill. The diet thing is a real interesting sacrifice too. If we have to do it, then I will definitely consider this example.It is a beautiful sacrifice on the part of your husband! Finally, I love your advice about "getting outside"! It is so simple, but we need to do more of that! Finally, I am sorry you had to have fights to get where you are today, but I am glad your conflict brought you closer rather than further apart. We speak about this at marriage preps - that conflict doesn't necessarily have to be a 'bad thing' as often they help us to grow. It's just how we handle those conflicts and whether or not we are respectful throughout them. Thanks for sharing.

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  5. Honestly my DH and I have only open ears on this topic at this point. We're kind of lost in our IF journey right now. Some days bring constructive conversation, but some don't. We both feel like after a year and a half of this that we're still treading water in the deep end trying to keep our heads afloat. It's exhausting.

    That said, we've enjoyed the series. We just stumbled across it a couple of days ago. Before that, we've just been navigating all of this alone and in isolation. Just this week, I decided I couldn't manage it by myself anymore and started a blog - because I realized I need to process some of this journey 'out loud'.

    Anyhow, thank you so much for sharing. We have a lot to learn...

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    1. Hello Conceiving Hope! Welcome to our blog! And great screen name/blog title by the way! We definitely get the "alone and in isolation" part. This was the same reason we started our blog - to find others for support. So we are glad you started one too! Sadly and joyfully, we have found that we are very far from being alone on this issue and we hope you find this online support (at least) too. There are a number of couples struggling with the same problem of infertility and having very similar difficulties in regard to it all (the ups and downs with emotions, the over-arching sadness and grief, jealousy, "the not so constructive conversations" as you put it, etc.). While we are very much on the road to learning how to best deal with this stuff, please know that if you ever need to talk about anything personally, then feel free to contact Ecce and I through our contact info on top. Also, check out any of the blogs we have listed to the right of our blog page - they all are great. We have learned a lot from them and for the most part they all deal with the topic of infertility. Other than that we look forward to reading your blog and hope you find inspiration in ours! Finally, in short, know that you and every infertile couple are in our daily prayers. Will always have someone random in DC praying for you and your DH! Nice to "meet" you online!

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  6. I really loved this series! Thanks for putting all this together for all the IF husbands out there. Much appreciated!

    My husband supports me by validating my feelings (no matter how crazy), accompanying me on my doctor's visits whenever possible, being open about his own struggles with IF, and maintaining a positive attitude about our current life without children.

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    1. Thanks Stephanie! We appreciate the feedback and advice!

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