So I thought it would be uplifting to write about a few things that give me hope. Things I think about when things feel bleak.
1. GK Chesterton
I'm a huge fan of his work. Orthodoxy is my favorite - I've read that at least 5 times, and there's now more underlined than not-underlined text! The man was a genius, and a gift to the Church. But did you know that he and his wife Frances were childless? That really gets me when I think about it. It's so clear from his writings that he loved children. Really, he has a theology of childlikeness that is so beautiful and compelling. For example:
“Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, "Do it again"; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, "Do it again" to the sun; and every evening, "Do it again" to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.” (from Orthodoxy)
How beautiful is that?!? "the eternal appetite of infancy"... To think of him and his wife never having kids breaks me heart. So what's hopeful about it? Well, for one thing, his cause for canonization is open! (Read this article - maybe there's something more recent too?) I for one would be so inspired to have such a saint to pray to, someone who was so full of joy and lived out his marriage vocation, even though they were never blessed with children. Because it seems (if I'm not mistaken) that most saints who struggled with infertility eventually got pregnant: Hannah, Sarah, and Anne, for starters. It would be great to have someone who knew the pain of infertility throughout his whole life and yet is a saint! How beautiful would that be? And how inspiring for us in the IF trenches.
2. Friends, new and old
New friends: It has been such a joy to meet people over the last year who are going through the same struggle with infertility that we are! I've been able to meet some of you in person - and hopefully meet others soon - but even to become friends online, it's wonderful. New friends make life so interesting and fresh!
Old friends: I have a friend visiting this weekend who I've known since freshman year of college. As I get older (oh, sounds so nostalgic!) I realize ever more clearly how precious these "old" friendships are. Thinking about the memories we have, the conversations we've shared, the live we've experienced together...and then how beautiful it is to meet again and pick up like no time has passed. Old friends are so dear and special!
3. Mr. M
the birthday breakfast he made for me this year
4. Mr. M
the birthday lunch he made for me (how healthy!)
5. Mr. M
the "devilled eggs" he and my mom designed for Easter
6. Mr. M
scene from our winter getaway, Feb 2013
7. Mr. M
Ha ha - yes, I'm short on time today =) But it's true! I could list him as reason one to one million as to why I have hope! He's my best friend, my dearest companion, my "kindred spirit" =) He is very sanguine, meaning that he's talkative and cheerful and always has a new idea up his sleeve. His latest idea: he wants us to write a novel together! I kid you not. I came home from work yesterday and he was all excited to tell me about the plot of our novel, and have me read the 1st chapter!!! He says, "I just want to change the culture...I don't care about the money." (I love how hopeful he is...in his mind, there is no reason why we won't write and publish the next best-selling novel!)
I'm so happy to be with someone who is so full of life, who balances a lot of my quirks, who has said "yes" to me forever. Mr. M always gives me reason to hope! And as I've read another blogger say (can't remember who - sorry!) if I'm going to have to live this journey of infertility, there's no one I could think of better to spend my life with!
All right, I'm feeling more hopeful already =)
Have a great weekend!