I came across this article today and loved this paragraph:
"I thought I had a strong faith, but I was wrong. Sure, I’ve trusted in God, but it wasn’t until this latest suffering [of infertility] that I started to realize and internalize what it means to surrender to God. It is one thing for me to trust Him with concerns about a job, a salary, a move, or a health issue. But, it is quite another to surrender my deepest desires, to feel as though I am surrendering my very self. In my mind I had more power and control over this struggle to conceive if I held on to it–tightly. The thought of surrendering this desire to God as I have done with other struggles in my life was, in a word, terrifying. So many devout and holy people I know speak about the freedom and peace that comes when you place your trust in God, but for so long all I felt was fear."
Surrender...how hard it is. Especially when it involves one's "deepest desires," as the author said so well. Especially when the future is so uncertain: will we conceive this month, or never?
The whole article is very good, and I think those who've journeyed through IF will particularly appreciate her sense of humor.
(Note: the author writes at the end that she eventually conceived. Just a heads-up if you're not up for reading about other people's happy endings today =))