Note: My husband was inspired to write a series of post (four) on his own experience of infertility + how to live joyfully nonetheless. I'm really grateful for his insights (obviously I'm biased!) and also think his thoughts are extra appropriate now, being in the thick of Lent with Holy Week right around the corner.
With no further ado...
I know it seems too good to be true.
Really, can I have joy with this incredibly painful and often
misunderstood suffering of infertility? Well, yes. But as I type
these words I cringe and tremble because it is so hard. I know from
personal experience struggling with infertility that it is the
hardest thing in my life. Also, I fail at these ideas I'm proposing
weekly, if not daily. Perhaps they will help. Perhaps they will be an
oversimplification. Perhaps they are presumptuous. But yet they have
been a grace for me and my wife in our life so I want to share this
good with you. Thus, I thought I would share what God has placed on
our broken hearts as healing balm. I will share these thoughts in
four posts corresponding to four thoughts but please note that these
thoughts are not meant to be in any way exhaustive for the depth and
complexity of drama of infertility. And by the way, this suggested Rx
is an on-going treatment for all of us, we infertile couples, so
please keep me in your prayers as I pray for you.
N.B. Alot of these
thoughts occurred to me while I was “on the cross” crying for the
children I desired one weekend while I was on retreat. As a result,
several of these thoughts I would like to credit to words and
encounters with particular priests on that retreat. Therefore, I
would like to give due thanks to these unnamed spiritual fathers.
Here is the fruit of their priestly presence and teaching in my life.
- Get Your Treasure RightThere are two things in this world: God and the Things of God. Sin is placing any thing of God, no matter how good, above God. We do this in any number of ways every day in many different actions. Yet the worst is when we place our identity and happiness in one of the things of God, rather than God. To be sure, God wants to give us many of these good things, but only after we first recognize that God is the giver of these gifts and that He alone is our happiness, not these other things of God. Now, there is a unique temptation of infertility that comes in exactly here. The greatest temptation we face is to place our entire identity and happiness in a child we wish so badly to have. Do we not often think, “I'll be happy when I have a child. When I don't have to deal with infertility treatments. When I (fill in blank here).” Yet the incredibly gut-wrenching, soul-piercing truth is that as good as this desire is, a child is still not God. We have everything when we are beloved by God. Do we really believe that? Is God our treasure above all things, including children? Is God our happiness? A happiness that we can have not tomorrow or down the road, but today. I know there have been multiple times where like the Rich Young Man of the Gospel I have went away sad and empty because I didn't want to make God my sole treasure. Oh God help me to leave all things behind and cling to you as my treasure! Please help to heal my mind and my will when I get my treasure wrong.
Next: Go into the Desert
Amen! Beautifully said! Looking forward to the next post!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement. I hope the rest is helpful too. These are just beginning thoughts on the subject. I can't wait to get everyone's feedback on the last post where I ask how everyone else lives this infertility joyfully. God knows I need help and advice. Blessings and prayers
DeleteReally well put! Your husband (and you of course!) is a great writer! Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement! I am sure some of the other posts will be better than others. I hope you will find some of the other thoughts helpful. Praying for everyone struggling with this cross!
DeleteMr. M, what a beautiful reflection. This line especially struck me: "A child is still not God." How easy it is to forget that we are not here just for our earthly experience. In fact, that's not why we're here at all. However, it is hard to keep my eyes on Heaven, especially since we are earthly creatures, after all. That line is something I should probably write on my mirror and remind myself every morning. None of this is for earth. It's for our ultimate reward -- God in Heaven. Amen to that.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the kind comment. I wrote this piece extemporaneously so I hope the rest is helpful too. FYI: I love quotes on the mirror in the morning! Great idea. I have up on the top our mirror "I am fourth" which means to put God first, then my spouse, then all others, and then finally me. On the bottom of our mirror it says "I am 7th billionth" for added effect for the resolutions.
DeleteHa! I like it! My grandmother has a similar motto -- "Live in JOY with joy" where JOY stands for Jesus, Others, and Yourself. If you live your life putting your priorities in that order, you'll have joy! I supposed you'd have to put spouse in with Others though, 'cause JSOY doesn't work as well. :P
DeleteLove this, and this is prefect for Lent. Jesus help me trust in you, and desire only you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement and kind words. Praying for you and everyone else who struggles with this stuff!!!
DeleteSo agree with this and we are constantly trying to convince our emotions of this too! Not sure how you two feel, but truth can be known but emotions like to do the opposite. Some days are really a war to keep the heart on the straight and narrow! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteYes, everyday it is a struggle with emotions! I once heard a really inspiring Catholic infertility speaker - Kevin Wells - say that "A saint is one who does the opposite of how he feels". I think he was thinking of situations like the ones we are talking about in regard to infertility and this quote of his helps me a lot when my emotions get the better of me. It has become a motto when I struggle. But it is a constant struggle though. My prayers are with you too. Keep fighting the good fight!
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