And I'm sure you know why the horse wears blinders. If not:
"Horses wear blinders to keep them focused on what is ahead, for safety purposes and prevention from obstruction." (ask.com)
"Horses sometimes need to be made to focus and blinders keep the horse’s eye focused on what is ahead, rather than what is at the side or behind." (an equestrian site)
Blinders "keep the horse focused on what is in front of him, encouraging him to pay attention to the race rather than other distractions, such as crowds." (Wikipedia)
So, a thought I had: I need a pair of blinders!!!
It can be so discouraging to look at my life as it is, and compare it to how I wish it was (a baby or two, not working full time, owning a home, etc). Blinders remind (okay, force) the horse to just look ahead, just keep moving forward. And, probably more importantly, they cut down distractions, "such as crowds." Haha - the "crowds" for me are all the people in my life who are pregnant or who have babies. Basically anyone who has not had to travel this hard, long road of waiting for a child, of fertility tests, of uncertainty.
The "crowds" slow me down, get me discouraged, make me want to bolt!
A more Christian analogy would be Peter walking on water: as soon as he took his eyes off Jesus, he began to sink.
When I'm coming up to a major test, or just feeling particularly down about being childless, I truly believe the devil tempts me by bringing up in my mind a parade of happy mothers who are having the time of their lives with their adorable babies. Please go away! I literally have to say to my mind. This is not helping!
But if I can keep my blinders on - and keep my eyes on Jesus - it gets easier. If I stop comparing my life to other people, I accept it more easily. I see the good in it more easily. I'm happier, and more peaceful. I can accept that no, we're not on the "normal track" of fertility: marriage, then baby soon after (or at least when you want it!) We are on the "slow / special needs track": wait for months and months, do lots of tests, wait some more, etc.
And honestly, that wouldn't be so, so bad if everyone else wasn't on the normal track!!
But we are on the track that was chosen for us by God, period. What he chooses for other people - not my concern. Everyone has their own demons and temptations to deal with, and mine are pretty clear: jealousy, despair, and lack of trust in God's goodness.
Anyway, I hope that analogy makes sense! And since it's kind of goofy to imagine myself actually with blinders on, it also brings a laugh =)
+EcceFiat+
Excellent, love it. I need some blinders too. I think we're on similar roads. I wish we owned a house too. Hubby is going to start working part-time in July so he can focus on his dissertation, but that means I'll be working full-time for awhile still. I know it's good for our future, but still tough sometimes.
ReplyDeleteGreat analogy. So beautiful and so true. We need to keep our eyes fixed on Christ. Thanks for the reminder!
ReplyDeleteI think of this analogy so often (St. Peter and the water) and how I can tell when I take my eyes off of Jesus, I feel the sinking start. There are so many things calling for our attention, but it really is just Him who matters, isn't it? Thank-you for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteI like it! Good analogy. It's true that watching others experience the joy you long for is so hard. And it makes it easy for jealousy, despair, and lack of trust take over. Lately, I remind myself that they may be on the "normal track" for fertility, but I bet they're on the "slow/special needs track" for something else in their lives. Remembering that we all have our crosses (i.e. I am not alone!) is the only thing that gets me through some times.
ReplyDelete